Helpful Advice on How to Deal With Breakup Letters

Breakup letters are not necessarily the ideal way to handle a split in your relationship. Your first priority should be to do it in person. Be extremely clear in your mind about the fact that you want to end the relationship.

You also want to emphasize why, so that when you are face to face with them, you don’t lose your grip or your nerve and fumble up the breakup. (Oh yes, this happens too and an unsuccessful breakup can lead to an extremely vague and limbo-like relationship.)

If for some reason you are unable to go through with an in person meeting, then the second best choice is breakup letters. You don’t want to do it by phone, text or email. You want to use a hand-written letter on an actual piece of paper.

If you decide to go with break up letters, there are certain guidelines you should follow. When writing, make sure the letter is clear and to the point, and not too long. Be as clear as you can about why you want to break up.

Politeness, strength and honesty should be the hallmarks of a good breakup letter. While writing, always think about how your partner will feel reading it. Keep it toned down and, despite how you may feel right now, keep your anger and upset feelings out of the letter.

Make certain that your soon to be ex receives the breakup letter. You can deliver it in person if you have the guts, or you can either have a friend you trust deliver it or send it registered or certified mail, so you know for sure it was received.

If you are the person getting the break up letter, stay calm. Regardless of the contents of the letter, your initial thought is likely to want to call up your partner and yell at them.

Do NOT do that under any circumstances. There is probably a very good reason why they couldn’t break up with you face to face- respect that. Take a day or two, and lots of deep breaths.

Do not appear desperate by reacting immediately to breakup letters. Maybe you want to try to win your ex back. Be as mature about it as possible and do what you can to let them know you’re still okay and that you’re moving on fine.

You never know, your partner may be so taken aback by your calm reaction to the break up letter that they might change their mind and try to reconcile. This is why your first response to the letter is critical.